Let Go
by LoveIsAForceOfNature
Summary: She feels him pull away, hope slowly fading. She finally decides that letting go is easiest, to move on, not knowing that he didn’t want to hurt her, wanted to keep his promise, wanted to tell her but couldn’t. He was dying, and she couldn’t know.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **She feels him pull away, hope slowly fading. She finally decides that letting go is easiest, to move on, not knowing that he didn't want to hurt her, wanted to keep his promise, wanted to tell her but couldn't. He was dying, and she couldn't know.

**Timeframe: **This story picks up after game ends, as if Advent Children never happened. The thing Cloud has isn't Geostigma exactly, but something like it. Hopefully that doesn't confuse people too much[Special thanks to PoutingCutie for pointing out the inconsistency! Let me know if anything else doesn't seem to fit right or bother you, I'm totally open to constructive criticism.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Author's Note: **THIS STORY IS BEING EDITED AND WILL BE REPOSTED IN FRAGMENTS.Sorry to anyone who's already read this story. I tried replacing chapters but for some reason it wouldn't let me, so I just started a new story. gahh Oo

Anyways, I was recently inspired to revisit the originial and changed it a bit and am really gunning to finish this story with the proper encouragement (nudge nudge lol) I'm going to repost chapters after I go back through them. I think I might end up splitting some up into separate ones. Here's the first re-done chapter. I didn't change that much in this one, but bear with me if you've read it already! And review even if you did before b/c I had to delete the other one along with all the wonderful reviews!

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Chapter One 

Marlene pretended to concentrate on her homework, while looking over at the bar discreetly. She watched as yet another man approached the counter, leaning over the bar and saying something earnestly to the young woman behind it. But just like every other time, Tifa returned him with a warm but polite smile, and a gentle shake of her ebony haired head. Marlene didn't know why she worried. She knew that Tifa was waiting for him, would never consider anyone else. If he would just get some sense into his head and stop running away. Even though she was only seven, she was observant enough to see how his absence affected her. The smile might slip, the exhaustion creep into the corners of her eyes when she thought no one was paying attention.

_Bringgg! Bringgg!_

Tifa put the glass she was wiping down on the counter and walked over to the phone.

"This is Seventh Heaven, Tifa Lockheart speaking."

"Tifa, it's me." Her hand tightened reflexively around the receiver.

"Cloud, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, no everything is fine…I just got held up with a delivery…I don't think I can make it home tonight."

"Oh okay," Tifa tried to sound nonchalant, even though she felt as if something had fallen inside. "Will you be able to find a place to stay for the night?" concern lacing her voice.

"I'll probably just drop by the church, it's closer and I won't wake the kids… don't wait up for me, ok Tifa?"

Tifa bit her lip, closing her eyes gently.

"Tifa, you there?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I guess I'll see you later then. Don't work yourself too hard, okay Cloud?"

"Don't worry about me, Tifa. I'll manage."

She hung up the phone with a last "goodbye."

_He really doesn't need me…nothing's changed. I had thought that maybe…_Tifa shook her head angrily. _Forget it. I have other things to worry about._

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Everyone had left and she had sent Marlene and Denzel to bed. She wiped the bar down one last time, even though she had wiped it so many times already. Keeping her hands busy had become a habit lately.

Suddenly, her hand halted its movements.. She closed her eyes, just breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

She was tired. She was tired of holding everything inside. It took so much to be strong during the day, especially for Marlene and Denzel who where like her adopted children. She doubted whether she could do it much longer. She stopped wiping the bar down and took a glance around. All the chairs and tables were in place, surfaces clean. The counter was spotless and everything in place.

Suddenly the rows of bottles surrounding her came into focus. Her hand reached out for the bottle, stopping and hesitating a little, before finally making up its mind and grasping the chill glass.

_The children are asleep. I deserve to unwind a bit,_ she reasoned to herself. One drink wouldn't hurt anyways.

The first shot of hard liquor went down tougher than she remembered, coughing a little when she swallowed it too fast. The burning sensation spread through her throat and settled in her stomach. Sitting herself down at a spotless table, bottle in hand, she waited for the warmth to travel to her head and help melt her thoughts away.

She loved him. That's all it came down to in the end. She had loved him for so long, and waited for the right time. It's just…the right time never came. By the time she realized it back in Nibelheim, Cloud had decided to leave their hometown and join SOLDIER. The promise he made her helped the pain of his parting, though she had never gotten to tell him how she felt.

"_If I'm ever in a bind, you'll come save me okay?"_

He had promised he would, and it kept her going all those years. He would be her hero. When they met each other again, the fight against Sephiroth was just beginning. It had led them closer than ever before, and they reunited to become best friends again. Friends. In lieu of the coming battle, it was enough Tifa had thought. His presence was enough to keep her bright and cheerful, her smiles keeping their group's spirits from falling too low. It was enough that she could be there for him, even if only as friends.

And then Aeris had come, and as much as she loved the flower girl, she saw instantly how Cloud was mesmerized by her. She lost him slowly to the beautiful brunette, and every day she fought harder to stay strong and unaffected. The group could always defend on Tifa's good spirits and easy laughter, she made sure of it. The night that Tifa had gathered the courage to tell Cloud how she felt, she knocked on his door only to find him gone, gone on a date with Aeris. And when they returned, Cloud shared his joy with, of course, his best friend. Tifa was nothing but supportive, happy that he was happy, being excited for him just as best friends should, and dying slowly on the inside. She had returned to her own room that night and sat on her bed, clutching her knees to her chest and trying to control the tremors that ran through her body.

The next day, the group saw Tifa as they always did, bright and cheery, beautiful in every way. And they continued their journey, Tifa right by Cloud's side to catch him if he ever stumbled, nothing but an encouraging smile on her face.

Aeris' death crushed him. Tifa cried along with everyone else, tears for Aeris's sacrifice, for who the beautiful flower girl was, and tears for Cloud. She saw how it affected him, and even after they stopped METEOR, how he might never forgive himself. It was strange, Cloud being a hero. He would always be a hero to her and to the world, but in a way, he was so weak. Vulnerable. Something people wouldn't expect from the typical hero. Then again, Cloud wasn't typical. He was Cloud, and Tifa continued to love him with all her heart, even when she realized it might not be returned, lost to a memory.

Life moved on after they saved the world. Tifa started up her bar, Seventh Heaven, and miraculously Cloud stayed with her and the kids to run the delivery service in Midgar. Those days were among the happiest in her life. Cloud would deliver packages early in the morning and return for a late dinner, after Tifa closed the bar. Marlene and Denzel helped mend her long dissatisfied heart, and Tifa loved them like a mother. She also saw how they looked up to Cloud so avidly. They were almost like a family together, and the hope of a life filled with Cloud and the kids and easy smiles filled her up inside.

Hope. What a powerful and fickle force it is. And how deceptive it was.

She hesitated, then poured herself another shot and downed it too.

Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if the hope hadn't been so strong. She really had believed that things would work out, that they would be happy like they were, as a strange little family. That maybe, just maybe, Cloud might see the girl that had always been there and remained by his side to this day as more than just a friend. Of course, Tifa never showed any of her secretly harbored feelings right after the defeat of Sephiroth. She knew that she shouldn't think of herself at a time like this, when Cloud was still so vulnerable and unforgiving of what he let happen. Tifa never truly knew how deep the two's relationship had developed, but she could guess; she wouldn't entrench on Aerith's memory regardless, and it's wasn't as if finally confessing her love for him would solve anything besides her inner anguish; it might even do more damage than good.

So instead, she took up the role of his best friend wholeheartedly again, suppressing her feelings, never complaining. Bright and cheery. That's who she was, or at least, how people saw her. How she needed to be so they could rely on her strength. So Cloud knew he could turn to her always.

Another glass of liquor burned down her throat, warming her from the inside.

He started to come home later and later, excuses always ready. At first, the dinner got cold. Which was fine, since it could be reheated when Cloud did get back. They all didn't mind waiting a little longer to eat, since seeing Cloud come home was always worth it. When Marlene and Denzel's stomachs protested too loudly, they began to eat dinner first, but then the two were determined to stay up and wait until he got back. It was then that Tifa started to wonder. And when she found out it was _her _church that he was finding refuge with those late nights, the dread settled back in.

Eventually, even the ever determined Marlene and Denzel fell asleep waiting. Oh, they tried. But after a while Tifa made sure to hustle them to bed after a certain hour, not wanting to see their crestfallen faces when they got the call that he couldn't make it home that night. Those nights were hard, when the kids asked her where Cloud was. Why he didn't come home sometimes. She never let them see how hurt she was herself, hurt that something was obviously bothering him but he never thought to turn to her about it. The church was apparently where he felt the most at home, and it re-ignited the enduring resignation that he would always only think of _her. _But Tifa had promised herself to be strong, putting her pain away for the children's sake if nothing else, and was always there to reassure them with everlasting patience and her own love.

Another shot.

So while the children were sent up to bed, Tifa sat downstairs and waited by herself. Most often, Cloud would come in quietly sometime in the wee hours of the morning, shutting the door softly behind him. Tifa would be there to offer him something to drink or eat, knowing that he always forgot to take care of himself. He would sit down gratefully, and look out the window silently while she prepared his food.

Sometimes she fell asleep at the bar while she waited. And when she woke up in her own bed the next morning, she would temporarily be filled with a warm tingling, knowing that he had thought to carry her up the stairs and put her to bed. He was always gone by morning though. But then even that small pleasure was denied her; Cloud had told her that she shouldn't wait up for him anymore. She figured it was his way of saying that he didn't want to have to carry her to bed every night, and an excuse to not come home at all. She had gotten angry when he insisted that she go to bed first but hid it well and simply laid in bed waiting instead, listening for the click of the door and the footfalls up the stairs…the nights he did come home.

Something was bothering him; he didn't honestly think he could hide it from her, did he? After all that they had been through together, why couldn't he open up to her? It hurt so much…that maybe she just wasn't enough.

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The bottle was almost empty and her mind was fuzzy. She couldn't remember how many drinks she had downed, or the last time she got so buzzed. She stood up from the chair and had to grab the table to keep the room from swaying. You've really done it this time, she scolded herself. Just then, she heard an engine approach from far away. The sound stopped right outside the bar and she fought to keep herself steady.

_I thought he said he wasn't coming home tonight, I thought he was going to—damn!_ Tifa dropped the glass, sending shards of glass skittering along the floor. She bent over and grasped at some of the larger pieces, wincing a little when glass bit into her palm.

The thought of him seeing her like this made her giggle a little, then become concerned. No, she couldn't let him see her like this, all silly and clumsy. She quickly put the bottle back on the shelf haphazardly and most of the broken glass in the sink just in time before the door creaked open. The heavy footfalls of boots sounded across the floor.

Mako blue eyes gleamed in the darkness, finding a figure behind the dark bar.

"Tifa?"

No response.

"Tifa?"

She stepped out from the darkness, her head bowed down a little, letting her ebony hair cover her face. "Cloud, you're back." There were plenty of other things she might have added, her tongue feeling loose with a mind of its own, but thankfully she shut her mouth quickly and tried not to see the room spinning.

"Tifa, you're bleeding!"

She looked down at her hand, saw the gash across her hand and responded with an "oh," of acknowledgement.

He walked over quickly and took her hand in his. As he studied the cut, Tifa stood still obediently, letting her eyes carelessly wander across his beautiful face. He felt her eyes on him and looked up, mako blue meeting chocolate brown orbs that sent sparks through his body. She was looking into his eyes strangely, very intently, and he swallowed nervously, still holding her hand.

Tifa continued to scan his face, not caring he was watching her and head feeling light…reckless…gaze moving from his eyes to his nose to his lips. His lips. His beautiful lips. On sudden impulse, Tifa took a step forward but stumbled, closing the small distance between them, placing her hands on his chest to catch herself. She looked up at him, warm chocolate brown eyes filling with some emotion that Cloud couldn't place, his heart beat quickening with each breath at her closeness.

"Tifa?" he said uncertainly.

Just as he moved to help her stand straight again, her soft lips pressed into his, setting off fireworks in his head. His eyes opened wide, every fiber of his mako-enhanced body tuned to her. He was too shocked to react, simply stood there and committed everything to memory, the way her lips were soft and warm against his, their curves fitting perfectly with his…the smell of her hair lingering in the air and the soft beating of their hearts in the dark silence.

Then abruptly, it ended, Tifa pulling back quickly, shaking her head as if to clear it. "I shouldn't have done that," was all she could say in a flat voice, before turning around and running up the stairs.

Cloud was left standing there, speechless.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Author's Note: EDITED**

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Chapter Two 

Cloud remained standing for how long, he didn't know, the warmth of her mouth lingering against his. The shock hadn't worn off yet, that Tifa had kissed him, that something he had longed for so deeply but never had the courage to do had occurred moments before. He closed his eyes, committing every detail to memory, sensations heightened with just the remembrance of their closeness.

Mako blue eyes opened in the darkness as his high-flying thoughts collided with reason. What was he thinking? She hadn't been herself, the sweet bitterness of rum lacing her soft lips. She would wake up tomorrow, and if remembering it at all, would think of it as an accident; it probably hadn't meant anything.

These past weeks had been hard. Staying away. Giving up the lifestyle that he had grown to cherish after Sephiroth's demise. Those days with Tifa and with the children were among the happiest of his life. He couldn't remember days where smiling had come so easily. Going to the church instead of back to Seventh Heaven, he often lay awake under the stars, imaging fondly of what kind of mischief Denzel and Marlene were up to, worrying about whether Tifa had unruly guests, not that she couldn't take care of herself. He hated that he couldn't explain. Tell his new family that it wasn't because he didn't care.

It pained him enough when he returned to find Tifa waiting up for him, or when he stayed at the church at night and returned early in the morning, only to find Tifa asleep downstairs. It was then when he would carry her carefully back to her room, tuck her in where she stirred restlessly. It was the brightest part of his day, to carry Tifa slowly up the stairs, her head curled up into his chest. He could always feel her heartbeat against his, and her warm breath against his skin. When he laid her in her bed, it took all his effort to not reach out and touch her beautiful face, her thick lashes lying against her cheek, dark hair falling around her neck. Sometimes, sometimes when he brought up the courage, he would tuck the stray hairs behind her ear, but always afraid that she would wake up and see him. He would get up quickly, grab the new packages to be delivered, and go before anyone would wake. It had been hard to convince her not to wait up for him, hard for him to give up an excuse to hold her in his arms, imagining what could be.

Anyways, it wasn't any good thinking thoughts like that. The surge of unexplainable desire to become more than just friends had already left him barely able to suppress the urges to hold Tifa close, to caress her soft cheek…to place his lips on her own.

A sudden flash in his eyes made him wince, clutching his sleeve-covered arm. Not again. Pain coursed through his head as he fell to his knees. And as quickly as it came, it was gone, a quick reminder of why he chose this self-inflicted solitude.

He stumbled to his feet and lifted the cloth covering his arm, afraid of what he'd see. Only giving his arm a quick glance, he dropped the sleeve back down, trying to swallow the bile that had built up in the back of his throat.

Right. It wasn't any good thinking thoughts like that. He wasn't good enough for her anyways. She deserved so much more than a broken ex-SOLDIER who couldn't save their dear friend from Sephiroth. It was his fault that Zack died too, that he had been too weak. Tifa was beautiful and caring and self-sacrificing, she was strong and everyone who knew her couldn't help but admire and find her irresistible. He didn't deserve her love, and who's to say that she would choose to give her love to him out of so many others who'd vie for it. He knew she loved him as a friend, they had been through so much together and nothing would change that.

But unexpected things happen. He didn't want to hurt her, wanted to keep his promise, wanted to tell her but couldn't. He was dying, and she couldn't know.

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Tifa awoke with a pounding in her head. What happened last night? She stood up from her bed only to fall back on it when flashes of memory returned to her. A broken glass. A hand holding hers. Those deep blue eyes and those beautiful lips. Those lips. His lips.

_Oh god. What have I done?_

She curled up in a ball on her bed, shutting her eyes tightly, stomach coiling into knots. She could remember everything now. The bottle calling to her, giving into the weakness. Everything. The way she must have looked to him, pathetic and silly. Meeting his gaze and throwing herself at him. The way she felt on fire when their lips touched. How one certain realization in her alcohol-induced haze came to her while their lips were touching, that made her pull back abruptly, the enormity of her mistake hitting her in one fell swoop…when she realized he wasn't kissing her back.

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She had forced herself out of bed and come down, stopping at the foot of the stairs, something catching in her throat when she realized he was sitting at the bar. He looked up and met her gaze. Cheeks flushing, she saw he was about to say something when she interjected an apology for the night before, rambling on about getting carried away and forgetting her limits and to pretend it never happened how did toast and eggs sound for breakfast? Bustling about the kitchen, she hummed a tune cheerily, asking him how he wanted his eggs. Shd didn't notice that he remained silent, looking pained.

By the time she placed a full plate of delicious looking food in front of him, she finally noticed the packed bag next to his chair. She looked up at him slowly, and he couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Are you leaving…Cloud?"

"I…I…need to go away for a while," he mumbled, looking intently at the floor.

"Is…is something wrong?" Her chest felt emptied of air. _Was it…was it because of last night? He doesn't feel comfortable here, anymore? Did I give him a reason to finally leave?_

Cloud looked up to meet her gaze, saw her chocolate eyes looking intently at him, before he swallowed and looked away. _How can I explain that I've fallen for you in every way…fallen so hard that it hurts more than anything…because I can't burden you with it. You shouldn't have to be there for everyone all the time. You deserve to have someone be there for you. I wasn't strong enough for Aeris, I wasn't strong enough for Zack, and I can't let myself be the person who isn't strong enough for you._

"Say something…anything," Tifa whispered into the silence, hating how her voice broke. Did he ever? Say anything? She was there for him, always, and he still wouldn't let her in. Was it because she wasn't enough? It was then that Tifa exploded, the shame and her own aching grief fueling her heated words.

"Talk to me! I'm here for you, just like I always have and just like I always will. I know you like your privacy, but it doesn't mean you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You don't have to close yourself off to everyone. To me."

Cloud looked at the ground, a pain in his chest. _Yes, I know. You've always been there for me, and I owe you so much. Too much. Someone like me doesn't deserve someone like you. I can't put you through more pain than I already have. I can't be a burden anymore. I have to do what's best even if it isn't the easiest. Even if it isn't what I want more than anything I've ever wanted._

"I…I should leave," he said, pushing back his chair and standing up, food untouched. Not bearing to see her face, he turned quickly and started out the door, before he gave himself the chance to say something he would regret. Tifa watched him turn his back on her, holding her breath, nails biting into the palms of her hand as she clenched them tightly.

_Don't leave, please. Stop. Turn around and tell me you're staying. _Maybe if she willed it hard enough. Her eyes only on the figure walking away from her. _You promised to save me when I'm in a bind, right? Well I need saving now, you see, I've fallen too hard for a man that won't stop running away and it--_

Click.

The door closed.

_--hurts._

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Please REVIEW!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**I don't own anything.

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for the enthusiasm, I appreciate it tons and tons! Bear with me as I repost chapters, for people that have already read most of this material.

Anyways, thanks again for the reviews and keep reviewing!! Happy holidays everyone!

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Dear Diary,

Today in school we got assigned a project about our families. I can't wait to do mine. I have the best family ever. Tifa made us lasagna for dinner today. It was really delicious. Me and Denzel worked on our homework after and I finished before he did this time! He's older so he knows more than I do but I was really good today and he let me tease him about it.

But it's been two days since Cloud left. I hope he doesn't stay away too long.

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Dear Diary,

Me and Denzel got to go with Tifa for groceries. I love grocery shopping with Tifa, she always lets us pick one thing each, even if it's candy or if it's bad for you. When we're extra good sometimes she let's us pick two! I chose gummy bears. Denzel picked sour lemon drops. I asked him if I could try one and he gave one to me. I don't know how he eats those things. I started to tear it was so sour. Tifa got worried when she saw me but then Denzel explained while I spit it out and made a face. Next time I'll stick with my own candy.

Cloud has been gone for three days now.

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Dear Diary,

Tifa cooked us a really big dinner with all our favorite foods. I ate too much. So did Denzel. His belly was really round and he complained it hurt when I poked it. When I poked it again he chased me but I hid behind Tifa. I'm glad we made Tifa smile, even if it was scary having Denzel chase after me. Tifa doesn't smile as much as she used to.

It's been eight days since Cloud left.

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Dear Diary,

I presented my family project in school today. Someone asked me how I can call Tifa my mom when she didn't have me. I said that doesn't mean she can't act like my mom. He asked if she was married. I said no, but she loves someone and he loves her. He asked me where he was and why they weren't married and I replied that it was complicated. I didn't like that boy at all. When he said my family isn't a real family, that real families have a mom and dad who are married and live with each other I got angry. I've never gotten in trouble in school before but today I got sent home with a note. When Tifa saw it she looked surprised and asked me what I got into a fight about but I couldn't tell her. She tucked me in and stroked my forehead and I didn't care what that stupid boy said. Plus, I wasn't the one with a black eye. Denzel gave me a piece of chocolate he had been saving after he heard.

Cloud has been gone for twelve days.

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Night approached and Seventh Heaven was full of patrons; it hadn't been this busy in a while. Tifa struggled to keep up, taking orders, making drinks, clearing tables, and washing glasses. For the past few hours she had been pushing herself relentlessly, rarely if ever taking a break, finding it easier to exhaust herself with work than to let herself think of anything having to do with…Tifa frowned and wiped the table faster. Holding three glasses and a pile of dirty dishes on the other arm and reviewing the orders from the other tables, she backed up just as someone was pushing back their chair, putting her off balance. For a moment, it seemed as if the dishes wobbling precariously would crash to the floor. But then, a strong arm was there, catching her waist and holding her steady. Tifa looked up, surprised, and met the striking green eyes of a tall, handsome man. He looked familiar, then recognized him as one of the strangers who had approached her at the bar. His hair was dark and was swept back into spike very much like someone else she knew…

Tifa regained her footing and stepped back, slightly flustered. "Thanks," she said to the stranger, before heading off to the kitchen. The man followed her with his eyes.

Marlene erased part of her homework distractedly, peeping glances at the bar. Tifa had been acting a little strange. Still cheerful and loving like always, of course, but Marlene didn't like it when Tifa worked herself too hard. It usually meant something was wrong. Neither her nor Denzel could forget the time when Tifa decided to scourge the entire house from top to bottom. They felt bad for any dust that Tifa laid her eyes on, it was that scary. It was around the time when Cloud didn't come home for dinner for one whole week, Marlene had observed solemnly. Tifa always worked herself especially hard when Cloud wasn't around. She wished Cloud would get some sense into his head and stay and make Tifa happy. In the meanwhile, Marlene and Denzel decided to watch out for their beautiful, adoptive "mom" themselves.

She watched warily as yet another man approached the counter, leaning over the bar and saying something to Tifa standing behind making drinks. Marlene fully expected the encounter to be just like every other time where Tifa would turn them down gently. The number of men who would approach Tifa was too many to keep track. So she was shocked when the conversation between the dark-haired man and Tifa continued longer than usual. The men, while usually not easily discouraged, could take a hint when Tifa gave them her final answer in that firm, Tifa manner. Marlene stopped pretending to do her homework and looked over at the two indignantly, not able to hear what they were saying but scrutinizing them nonetheless.

"Hello."

Tifa looked up from wiping a glass to meet the gaze of a pair of familiar green eyes. It was the stranger from before who had steadied her.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely, trying not to notice how intently he was looking at her.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could help you. You look a bit weighted down with work, I wanted to see if you needed a hand." His voice had a pleasant timbre and he grinned at her.

Tifa raised her eyebrow at him. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't usually let strangers help out at the bar."

He nodded. "I understand," he replied congenially. "Let me try that again." Tifa watched curiously as he turned around to walk away, only to take a few steps before he came back to the bar. "Hey there. My name is Skylar." He extended his hand in greeting. Tifa hesitated a little…but then remembering how he had saved her a mess of broken dishes, she grasped his hand in hers.

"Tifa."

"So, Tifa, now that we're not strangers, I was wondering if you'd let me give you a hand," he said with a rogueish smile.

Tifa let herself smile lightly. "So, Skylar, I'm sure you're not offering to give up your night to hard labor for nothing in return."

"I'm offended you think I'm out for personal gain," he returned, jokingly indignant. "I am fully willing to help out at no cost to you…but if you happen to not be busy this Saturday, I'd like to take you out. So what do you say?"

Tifa smiled at his antics. _Maybe this is what I need_, she thought to herself. _He seems nice enough. I've never considered dating anyone because…because—_she felt a pain in her chest. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She had been waiting for so long…dreaming…hoping…and then she had ruined it. Her heart had been broken for the thousandth time, and she was tired of picking up the pieces and pretending as if everything was alright.

Besides, he hadn't been back for almost two weeks. Maybe he would never, she thought in despair. A life without Cloud…?. Could she do it? Was she strong enough? Imagining never seeing Cloud again…it suddenly became hard to breathe.

She realized the man was still waiting for a response. She opened her mouth to say something…hesitating…

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Dear Diary,

A stranger that we've seen often came tonight. He flirted with Tifa a lot. Me and Denzel gave him our best ugly faces but it was unlucky that he didn't see. We've decided we need to think of a codename for him. It's okay though because Tifa still said no.

Cloud has been gone for thirteen days.

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Dear Diary,

Mr. Dogbreath came back today. Me and Denzel were instantly on the lookout. Everytime he approached the bar me and Denzel made sure to have a question for Tifa. But I think Tifa got suspicious because she sent us upstairs to do our homework. I stuck my tongue out at Mr. Dogbreath on the way up the stairs and this time he saw. But that's okay because Tifa still turned him down.

It's been sixteen days since Cloud left. What's taking him so long?

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Dear Diary,

Tifa broke two dishes today. She hasn't broken a dish in a long time. It's been seventeen days since Cloud left.

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Dear Diary,

Me and Denzel went into hiding today because Tifa decided to clean the entire house from top to bottom. Then she took us out for grocery shopping as if to say sorry for scaring us and let us pick two things each. She cooked us a big huge meal but halfway through I noticed she hadn't eaten much. She just looked outside as if she was daydreaming but I don't think it was a happy daydream.

Cloud has been gone for twenty days.

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Dear Diary,

It's been twenty-four days since Cloud left. I asked Tifa where he was while she was herding us into bed. She smiled a little and said that she didn't know but he should be back soon. It's strange. Tifa's smile isn't like most people's. Hers smiles are a little sad, even though smiles are for when people are happy.

I don't think I'm going to ask Tifa that question anymore.

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Dear Diary,

I had a nightmare and crept into Tifa's room because I was scared. I thought that I could sneak into her bed like I did sometimes when I was younger, but when I walked in Tifa wasn't sleeping. She was sitting in the windowsill, head resting on her knees, looking outside in the dark. I asked her what she was looking at and she said that she was looking at the stars. I crawled into her lap and she wrapped her arms around me and I wasn't scared anymore. When I woke up I was tucked into her bed and Tifa was making breakfast in the kitchen. I wonder if she slept at all.

It's been twenty-six days since Cloud left.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the input everyone!! Please keep it coming! It really is the biggest encouragement to write more faster. Let me know what you think of this chapter, and happy new year!!

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**Chapter Four:**

_Flames lick across his hazy vision, heat searing his face as he runs and runs, lungs filling with smoke. He stumbles. Over his shoulder he watches as the darkness closes in, taunting, menacing. He knows what's coming but it still doesn't prepare him when in one breath the darkness consumes him, pain coursing through his body and images flashing in stark, painful detail.  
_

_Zack charging forward with a battle cry, the rifles clicking louder than the downpour of rain. Aeris kneeling in prayer, a shadow falling across her face. Smoke rising from Nibelheim, an orange glow filling the night sky. Himself, always watching everything happen. Just watching as bullets riddle Zack's chest, the blade sliding through her stomach like butter. The screams choking with smoke as he hears himself screaming too, from behind the unfaltering mako filled eyes that look down on the death and blood, doing nothing. _

_Zack's blood flows in small rivulets down his face, mingling with the rain smattering his lifeless corpse. _Stop. Make it stop. _The dull thud of Aeris's body on the tile, red blossoming through the pink fabric. The smell of burning flesh as he runs through a dying town after a fleeting figure with long dark hair. _No more. Please, make it stop!_ He reaches out a hand to halt her from running but then everything dissolves and he's looking at stars twinkling against the black sky._

_Whenever I'm in a bind you'll come save me, okay? A little girl smiles at him, swinging her legs as he feels heat flush his young face in the chill night air. His small fists clench by his side as he decides at that moment that he'll join SOLDIER and make her proud of him. I promise. She smiles at him again, making his heart beat faster in his chest. _

_Faster. He tries to run faster but he's always too slow. Too slow and left to watch in horror as a young woman charges up the stairs, anguish and fury fueling her steps as the figure on the top smiles grimly and the glint of metal and then her chocolate brown eyes widen, her blood splattering on the cement. She's falling. He tries to catch her but he can't because he's watching her collapse from above, the weight of a blade in his hand, her blood dripping from it and he turns his back on her crumpled form that has come to rest at the bottom of the steps. _No, Tifa. No! _He's screaming, the sound tearing at his throat but he's laughing too. Manically, coldly. He feels brown eyes look up feebly to meet his before they glaze over and see no more._

_And then the edges of his vision become hazy because the pain is too much, his heart is crying out and everything blurs and he can't see anything anymore._

Mako eyes shoot open in the darkness.

Cloud sat up, the twisted remains of a thin blanket thrown off and his brow glistening with sweat. His chest heaved with labored breaths. In and out. In and out. The stars twinkled above at him as his hand slowly released their vice-like grip on his other arm.

After a few more moments of catching his breath, he pulled out his cell phone and punched in a few numbers, putting the speaker to his ear. He listened in silence for a minute before he flipped it closed and stuck it in his pocket. Laying back down he tried to relax; it was already easier to breathe. It always was after he turned to this small comfort. He closed his eyes and reluctantly let sleep begin to gently overtake him. The darkness was always waiting…

But the pain didn't return that night. The dreams did, but they were familiar yet absent of fire and blood and mako. Instead, cheerful laughter and dark lashes against porcelain skin. Lips flush against his and a warm smile that shone and fought back the dark, keeping it at bay.

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Dear Diary,

Cloud left twenty-seven days ago. I crept into Tifa's room again and she was sitting at the window like last time. She looked like she was in pain, like when I fall down and scrape my knee and it hurts a lot, but she looked as if she hurt differently, as if it hurt all over. And she didn't cry even though it looked like she wanted to. I asked her if she missed him a lot and she was silent for a moment. Then…_always, _she said. I said I miss him too. When she hugged me tighter I looked up at her biting her lip, eyes closed. I just wanted Tifa to be happy, and I told her so. She smiled at me with her sad smile and didn't say anything for a while, but I didn't mind sitting in her arms, listening to the sounds at night. Then she whispered really softly, so softly and as if she was talking to herself, _I want to be happy too_. And I was glad and wondered to myself when Cloud would get back to make it come true.

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Dear Diary,

Tifa agreed to go on a date with Mr. Dogbreath. Me and Denzel don't know what to do.

_Where is Cloud???_

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_You have one saved voice message. First voice message. _

Hey Cloud, it's me, Tifa. Just wanted to check in and see if you were doing alright. I think this is the longest you've been away._Pause._ I guess…I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need anything. Or someone. _Pause._ To talk to or listen I mean. Denzel and Marlene miss you a lot, they send their love, and they have so many things to tell you. _A quiet laugh._ They've become quite the dramatic storytellers. But they'd rather you come back…or come by sometime…so they can tell you themselves. I miss you too. _Another pause. _Um…yeah! Be careful out there, okay? I know you can take care of yourself, but I worry about you because I—because I know that…you forget to take care of yourself sometimes. That doesn't really make sense but…oh forget it. Hope everything is going alright…umm…right. Bye, Cloud.

Click.

_End of saved voice messages. _

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**Note:**Oh, and thanks to PoutingCutie for pointing out the whole Geostigma inconsistency. I totally missed that while writing initially. Oops. So I'm going to go under the assumption that AC never happened but Cloud is struck by a Geostigma-like disease. So you should too. Hope it doesn't ruin the story or anything!


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